Brilliant Shapes and Sizes

I feel a little overwhelmed by the idea of being brilliant. It sounds exhausting to me. When I wake up and get out of bed, all I feel is the desire to survive this day. Unless it is Sunday, then my brilliant self keeps rolling around a few more times in my comfy and brilliant bed. Sundays are brilliant;0)

On weekdays, I wobble to the sink for some water, I sort my kids’ clothes and get their snacks ready. I try to wake them gently, hoping no shoe will hit me on the way out (my daughter has issues with waking up early, sigh).

Now beyond 40, I decide not to look too closely into any mirror in the morning. I don’t see brilliance there. Maybe I should try to look for it. As Barbara wrote, and I agree with, our bodies are amazing creations, fueled by unseen energies. Still, mornings are not made for bringing out my brilliance.

When my kids are in school, I still don’t feel too brilliant. House cleaning, shopping cooking, none of that sounds or feels too brilliant to me. However it beats being in the office and having to sit through endless meetings all day. From this point of view my life is brilliant. I have moments of peace, I see our yard and can enjoy nature. But do I feel brilliant?

Well, what does it feel like to be brilliant? The dictionary has a few definitions: “a light, or color, very bright and radiant”, and “exceptionally clever or talented”.

I used to feel bright and radiant, when I was younger, carefree, without children. Yes, I said it. Being a parent makes it harder for me to see my brilliance. I get sucked up in too many “to-do’s."

Because of all those many “to-do’s” I certainly realized things were missing from my life. I listened to a smart voice in my head or it might have been someone else’s head, someone’s heavily meditated head for sure. I started to take care of myself, maybe on the lookout for my “lost feeling of brilliance.” I started playing tennis, I am taking swimming classes, clay classes. I am trying out new things. And all those things make me feel a little lighter, happier and I can feel some form of brilliance appearing. It’s a different kind of brilliance, it might not be as bright and bold, but it feels warm and fuzzy. Like a cloud surrounding my brilliant body and soul.

Maybe brilliance comes in all shapes and sizes. Have you found yours yet?

Sat Nam.

picture by Romy EIchner