I would like to think I have a plan, insights, magical nuggets of information about my next steps, and that I know what is going on in my life. After all, it is my life. Right?
And I do. I have moments, glimpses, visions of how it is all unfolding. Then I come back into my body and realize I am human and those deep, magical, transformation insights, thoughts, and bits of wisdom are often followed by more questions, more unknowns, and more uncertainty. That the cycle of great insights is often followed by great questions.
It's in these cycles of knowing and not knowing, trusting and not trusting, believing and not believing, wondering and not wondering that make me relish each day. It reminds me of a roller coaster. One that I chose to ride where every twist and turn is exactly for me - to learn, see, have, experience whatever it is I need in that exact moment.
Often we watch others who have done things, written books, given talks, reached great levels of success, etc, as knowing more or having more information than we do. Often it's not that they have more insights, it's that they didn't stop at the first insight. They got up the next day to question some more. It's not that they have it all figured out, it's that they don't ever expect the roller coaster to stop. They recognize they are on the roller coaster that keeps throwing twists and turns their way. And sometimes they scream through those twists and turns, other times they hold tight with eyes glued shut, and other times they grip the person next to them for comfort on the journey, all the while learning, growing, changing, and getting 'enlightened.' They have come to recognize 'the sweet spot' for what it is - a momentary place that if you stay on the roller coaster, comes around again and again and again, albeit slightly differently each time.
As we do.
photo: Elizabeth Guilbeault