Breakups are never easy. Add public declarations of love, promises to stay together forever, and a few kids, and you’ve got yourself a pretty shitty situation. It’s easy to point fingers, it’s easy to be mad, and hurt. It’s easy to turn your back on your ex-spouse and forget the great things you shared. I’ve been there, I get it, and yet every morning I wake up and look into the beautiful eyes of the two things we did absolutely right, our kids. It is impossible to regret the time we spent together because we made these amazing human beings.
Here’s the thing, sometimes relationships don’t last, and that is ok. However, when there are kids involved, you are in it for the long haul. You are bonded to that person pretty much forever, so why not find some joy in that? Kids don’t want to choose sides, they don’t want to feel guilty for spending time with one parent over the other. They want to feel loved and accepted. They want to know that even though their parents are no longer together, that their very existence creates a lasting connection.
In honor of the holiday this week, we have been talking about appreciation. I want to acknowledge how much I appreciate my former spouse. How grateful I am that she made the trek up from Florida to spend the holiday with our kids. How happy I am to have a little respite to recharge while they get to spend time together. This isn’t the picture I thought I would have and yet I have so much appreciation for how it is. I want to encourage all of you who are in similar situations to entertain the idea of choosing love and appreciation for your former spouse and see what shifts.