When the Sh** Hits the Fan

Guys, sometimes the most fool proof plans can smack you in the face.  At one point in my life I thought, how about I settle down and have some babies, that seems like a perfectly normal thing to do, right? So I got married, we bought a house, we had the babies, we lived modestly, we did the things you were "supposed" to do. I had the perfect picture as we clairvoyants say. And then the picture broke. Nope, it didn’t just crack, the whole goddamn picture exploded, thousands of shards of glass flying in every direction.

Long story short, and I promise you it’s a very LONG story, it turns out my husband was actually a woman. Yup, transgender, we are going to be hearing a lot more about it in the next decade I promise. And here’s the thing, I am genuinely happy for my former spouse, her biggest cheerleader. Because I am all for authenticity, I am all for living your truth. I was and am like yes! Let’s buy you the dress and the matching heels, let’s do this.....

And then I woke up one day (ok it wasn't just one day, but you get the point) and thought, oh shit. What about my truth? What about my authenticity? Was this the life I wanted? Forget social constructs, forget moral codes, it was never about that. I planned on staying with my spouse through it all, and then I found myself at a crossroads where everything in my being was saying, no, you have to go.  This is not the path for you. You cannot be the cheerleader for someone else’s dreams without giving light to your own dreams. As a clairvoyant, I see why it unfolded the way it did, I can have neutrality with it, that doesn't mean it has always been easy on a body level. 

As I’ve already said, this story has many layers, too many for this blog post. Too many I’m not quite ready to share with the world. Sometimes the shit hits the fan, sometimes things get so messy you can’t see two feet in front of you. In those moments, the only choice is to go inward, to close your eyes to the mess and find that voice inside of you. Listen to it. The world may think you are crazy for taking giant leaps into wild unknowns, let them think that because we both know you will never regret being true to yourself. 

Alicia Stiles1 Comment